on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
