well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize