What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
