wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
