So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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