that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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