He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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