just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
