i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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