She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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