Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
