I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
