Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
