A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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