oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
