So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
