yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
