I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
