from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize