i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
