Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
