Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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