There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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