If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
