I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
