"it" just moved
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
