i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
