he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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