I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
