i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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