last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
