Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
