Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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