glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
