yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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