Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
