no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
