Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
