I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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