he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
