Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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