arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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