i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Congratulations! We have a period
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