u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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