I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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