Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
