I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
this will be a night to untag.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
