there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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