She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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