Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize