Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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