My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize