well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
