My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
