Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
