i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize