i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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