mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
