We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize