I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
