I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
