I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
