He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
