I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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