sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize