If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
