His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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