fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
