My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
