guys are not supposed to queef...right?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
