doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
