I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
