bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My feet surprised me
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