I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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