i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
