I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
