I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
