Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize