New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Im part way to drunk.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
