remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
