Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
