we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Your dad touched me again.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
