Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
