im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
