Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
