All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize
