at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
