he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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