someone get that fucking seahorse.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
