god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just want to make out with him forever
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
