So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize