Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
