I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My dick has a subreddit
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
